Anger

2010-02-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

OK i knw..its been long time since i update any..hmm but i dont know why i just couldnt abandon my blog just yet..haha...memories i guess..anyway..well for the past few weeks it was just hell for me...stayed up late at night just to finish up projects and assignments...preparing for health education...at least it all ends today..free of stress and i get to sleep more than i should..haha..yeah...hmm i have to say..i've never felt so free until today..2010 has made me a changed person..i no longer have the urge to go out at night..i guess i could adapt if i want to..i cn still enjoy even during day time..yeah

2010-01-02T23:04:00.000-08:00

Welcome 2010...haha..its been 3 mths since my last post...have my reasons for that..hmm its a new year with a new resolution..hmm definitely got to do something with my lateness...argh..hate waking up early morning but i have to and i will..i shall be more punctual for sch and attachment only...hmmwat else do i nd to change..hmm yeah i got to cut down on my drinking and smoking...no promises on quiting but for sure i will cut down and take it slow...hmm shall i not any guys this year..thats gonna be hard for me..i shall give it a try...haha..hmm i cant believe yr 2 is gonna end so soon..i feel so old now..haha...i love being a student so much that i just dont want to graduate...well i'm nt looking forward to prcp at all... somehow i'm really proud of myself to get this far..only if my mum could see that in me too..haiz

2009-09-03T12:31:00.000-07:00

Fasting month has started and i'm so bored at home...Not really in the mood to celebrate Hari Raya.. I've been abstaining myself from alcohol...I guess i've made lesser sins this month..haha..I've been doing lots of cooking and cleaning.. haha..i guess being a traditional gal for awhile is not that bad after all...kinda miss school alot..i miss evrybody...haiz...not really looking forward to attachment..I hope i do well...hmm....just wanna get over with...haiz

2009-07-26T14:04:00.000-07:00

OH god!!I cant sleep right now..I dont know..Probably Im worried bout the projects and exam.. I definitely cant miss out NS1..haiz... my head is spinning...hmm...yr2 is definitely tiring me out.. I've got to endure for my mum's sake.. Im doing this for her..I know what I said is just not me but I kinda mean it..I just didnt want to tell her..its not necessary anyway..we're not close anyway..ok2..hw am i gonna sleep now..ARGH!

2009-07-11T12:02:00.000-07:00

Oh well holiday is almost over..it was so mundane..I went ghost-hunting,riding, rotting at home and as usual facebooking..thank god the report plan is like 80% complete if there's no objection or changes made..im still thinking of doing my 7 common drugs..WALAO!! so hectic and im still rotting now..oh well im glad ryan is out of my life..i cant stand his fucking attitude..he changed alot and my feelings for him is no longer the same..im glad my twins has a girlfriend now.. he has my blessings..i miss sch so much..i hate exams...time is ticking so fast and i'm getting older which i dont like....somehow i dont want to be 18 and eexperience all this shit..i just want my life back when i was only a baby..haizzz..

2009-06-28T05:09:00.000-07:00

Wow..I feel like it's been so long since i blog..hmm holiday has started and i'm still planning wat to do..I still have to do planning for Nsl project..hopefully all goes well..Its been so tiring and stressful so I hope efforts won't go down the drain..Well attachment has been great and i've been confident in doing the skills but not sure bout next term..haiz...well life has been rather lonely..i'm thinking of leaving ryan and lead a simple life..i guess it was a mistake when i fell for him again..I should've just be single rite from the start..

2009-06-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

Frankly speaking I strongly agree with annabel. I prefer to confront you two face to face but i didnt get a chance to.I don't understand why are you guys being such hypocrites.We didnt even get to have proper group meetings. You guys didn't even want to do it together as a group. What the hell is this.You guys did all the work. CONGRATULATIONS YOU GUYS GOT WAT YOU DESERVE.!!

2009-05-21T05:17:00.000-07:00

Life has been rather dull for me lately..I'm not sure why.. I feel like something bad or huge is gonna happen to me..Am i bein paranoid or wat..studies have been stressful n still coping.. I doubt i'm gonna drop out coz i know i'm gonna need this cert..hmm wat else..i need more signs to figure this out man..argh!! so irritating..

2009-04-20T03:22:00.000-07:00

Ryan seems like he's serious bout me but i kinda get confused by his actions..i do feel bad making friends with guys..anyway enough bout him..nw back to sch and i feel like fuck..everything dat i tot poly is fun is totally ruin..argh..boring and frustrating...

2009-03-30T14:21:00.000-07:00

Well about ryan..i'm still clueless..i cant deny that i do love him but i juz couldnt trust him..my instincts tell me that he's not serious bout me and i'm nt sure i'm being paranoid or wat..he tells me he loves me all the time but y does he goes missing at times..he'll be upset when i go missing..i don't understand why is he hot and cold...I nd a sign to knw if he truly loves me.. coz i dont want to have any high hopes..i'd rather not love any1 than love some1 and gt hurt..for now i'm testing him..i'm gonna observe..i'll try not go any further emotionally.. this is so tiring..why does my love life always sucks..maybe i shud've stayed single n juz be like annabel..right now i feel like a fool..i cn no longer see the reality..im the 1 who always give advices bt now i cant even solve my own prob..hw ironic..

2009-03-30T14:16:00.000-07:00

I t's been a week since i had a war wit 2 dumb bitches who have nthg better to do..seriously they r getting into a fight over a small thing..well they started the fight and i had to fight back to defend myself..juz who the hell they think they are..i managed to slam 1 of the bitches against a bicycle n the other gt away unscattered..n nw my panda eye is healing..well this war is nt over..if that bitch wants war,come to me..if she's gonna bring her army,so will i..the main thing is i don't even know why she hates me so much..jealousy? over what?...plz give me an explaination...

2009-03-20T04:46:00.000-07:00

Well guess wat..ryan is out of my life and now i'm single...i'm joining the single club...my holiday was a total waste..i drank and gamble almost everyday..i'm gonna die attachment in two days only..but for now i'm gonna celebrate coz i made it to yr 2 wit my loveable buddies..i miss them..a shoutout to siti for helping me out during exam periods..haha...annabel i'm proud of u...everybodyelse c ya in april..peace out

2009-02-19T19:25:00.000-08:00

Damn exam is killing me softly...Its tiring to study all nite long..If only siti is with me 24/7...haha...hoppefully i don't regret taking up this course..If i do, i'd probably end up as a housewife..i'm still dwelling about Pharmaco's MCQ.. thank god its only 20 marks but then it's still marks and i know i need it..oh anyway i named a pet after annabel..same character and behaviour but my pet is naked..haha

2009-02-02T00:40:00.000-08:00

Regarding annabel's recent blog post..well i kinda agree wit her..sometimes i do feel like i wanna vomit out everything but juz cant bear to do it..I would have turned myself into ADOLF HITLER but for the sake of the ppl ard me i shall not shout at the traitors..I was quite surprised that there are ppl who reali do care bout me than i realised..i've done some soul-searching so i guess i know i myself and i did make an effort to make it right..things always happen for a reason.. I shall not blame anyone..

2009-01-28T03:17:00.000-08:00

I've always been firm with decisions that i made..I usually do know what i want and what i need..However for some reason i'm juz weak when it comes to love..
Well here comes the love triangle..It's so ironic that i'm able to solve other people's problems but not mine..To be frank,my boyfriend and i seems to be drifting apart..we hardly meet or talk..not even smses..last week,someone from my past unexpectedly contact me..at first,it was purely conversations that we had..but as days goes by,he told me that he really loves me and truly wants to be with me..as much as i tried to stay away from,deep down i know that i'm still in love with him and i wouldnt want to let go of this opportunity..he's like everything that i need and i want..juz wat more could i ask for..so i guess i've made my decision..Falling in love is easy but being in love is hard!

2009-01-10T01:39:00.000-08:00

Hey ppl! Life has been better in 2009..I'm happy as it is..For now I'll just stick to my resolution not to miss any lesson..I can't afford to fail any module...I'm still waiting for a MR right..whoever that is

2008-12-30T09:33:00.000-08:00

Hey ppl!! Just got back from Kuala Lumpur..It was such a great experience..
This is my schedule and so called short diary of my stay in KL..
FRIDAY ,26 Dec
4pm: Reached at my aunty house at toa payoh and had my dinner there.
9pm:My uncle picked us up(me and my 2 aunties) and drove us to Larkin in Johor where i'll meet my dad and my step mum.
11.30PM:Reached Larkin.Had bandung while waiting for the coach.
12mn:At last our ride arrived.
The journey took 4hrs just to reach KL.Damn tiring.Well i just slept and listened to music.

Saturday,27 Dec
5am:Just arrived at my uncle's bungalow.His house is huge.Never did i dream i would even get to sleep in a bungalow.Anyway I had breakfast with the rest of family.The breakfast was more like a feast.My aunt lynn specially cooked for us 6 different Kelantanese cuisine.Its great but kinda weird when the dish was a little sweet.Well thats how Kelantanese cooks.Oh yes, one of my cousin whom i just met gave me the sweetest smile and I never thought i'd have a hot cousin.
6am:Shower time!
7am:On the way to my cousin's wedding ceremony.I wore a baju kurung. Now i look like a Malaysian girl.
The journey to Batu pahat,Johor,took 3 hrs..
10.30am:Thank GOD!We arrived at the mosque where the angkat nikah ceremony is held.This is tradition and it's amazing that Malaysians still practice it in the mosque.Well it's rare to see it in S'pore.I was glad I get the experience to see it and my ears are gonna explode when all my aunties keep telling i should see all this so that i know what to do when it's my turn to tie the knot.Haha
1.15pm:Prayers time.Yes i had to do my prayers.I know you guys are shocked to read this but it's true I had to pray in the mosque.
2pm:Lunch time.I had roti jala with curry.After that had to go to the bride's kampung(village) where the wedding reception is held.
In Malaysia,usually when a couple gets married,wedding ceremony will held at bride's place 1st then the groom's place.
3pm:Reached the kampung.The place was small and simple but the ceremony was rich in culture and tradition.I was happy for the bride and groom until the couple had a tiff while cutting the wedding cake.My cousin wasn't happy bcoz it's his wedding day and nobody took pictures with the newly wed.Poor aunt lynn had to calm both of them and just smile.I thought it was hilarious.It was very immature of my cousin.Why did he get married anyway??
6pm:Had ice kacang and keropok leko(a kind of fish cracker)by the roadside since my another cousin was a little sleepy from all the driving.
8pm:Arrived KL and home sweet home.

Sunday,28 Dec
9am:Shower time.
10am:Breakfast time.
11am:Sent my 2 aunties to one of my aunty house at the one the luxurious condo in KL.My aunt insisted that i sleepover for the night but i kindly turn them down.I had my luch here.My aunt,whom i called mummy since young,cooked the famous asam pedas and also turkey.I'm getting fat or what.I do enjoy the food though.Oh yes,the had a magnificent view.It was so beautiful. My aunt suggested i should be an air stewardess just like my cousin.haha.Well maybe when i'm slim i might consider it.
3pm:Now we're off to sightseeing.We went to Masjid India which was kind of similar to S'pore's Serangoon.We took pictures at the Legendary Twin Tower KLCC.
5pm:Reached home to have a cup of coffee.
I realised in Malaysia,they only served coffee and tea and no soft drinks.
7pm:Off to my uncle Zaman's condo.We had 5 course for dinner.HAHA just like in a hotel.First we had chicken chop with blackpepper gravy.Second we had Hongkong noodle.3rd we had peach and jelly for dessert.Fourth we had ice cream.Last but not least a cup of coffee with chestnut chips.After that, I watched my uncle Zaman's wedding video since i couldnt attend last June.Well he's one lucky man that he married the great granddaughter of the King of Perak. I'm happy for him since he suffered 20 years bachelor and loneliness.His wife is humble and a great cook.
10pm:Off to sightseeing again.My uncle drove us to the top of the hill and just be mesmerized by the view overlooking KL.It was so romantic but too bad i don't have a partner.Then off to shopping in Uptown or known as Danau Kota.This place is like Bugis street.Everything is cheap here but i didnt do much shopping coz i was so tired.
12mn:We drop by a coffeshop to have roti canai(roti prata)and drinks. I was dropped dead tired.All of us sleptover at uncle Zaman's condo and I even had a room for myself.Living the life of the rich and famous.Maybe not the famous part.Hahaha.

Monday,29 Dec
9am:Wakey,wakey.Had minced meat,baked beans cooked with blackpepper sauce.Yummy.I had to shower after that.
12 noon: Off to keramat,KL.My grandaunt lives there so we're dropping by before we go home.Surprisingly my grandaunt remembers me and said i was only 2 the last i came here.Wait a minute,I came here before?? I didnt remember all that obviously.
5pm:It's time to shed tears and say goodbye to everyone.
I was hoping my hot cousin would be there but sadly he's not there.I was a little upset though.I just wanna see him smiling for the last time.
6pm:Goodbye KL and home sweet home S'pore.

From the trip,I learned more about malay culture and the fun part is i get to be treated like a baby.Weeee..
It was sad to leave KL.I had so much fun there.I've never had so much love for KL before.

2008-12-19T02:21:00.000-08:00

My holiday is reali boring..so far i manage to catch three movies: Wildchild, Twilight and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist..My personal favourite would be Twilight..It kinda reminds me of harry potter but more romantic and the action is totally superb..Robert pattison kinda stole my heart..Very charming and he got this dreamy eyes..When he smiles,i juz melted..I guess he can be the younger version of Josh Hartnet..haha..I don't mind if he's a vampire or if he's a century older than me..haha..alright if i dont stop talking bout him,I'll go crazy..

2008-12-09T09:22:00.000-08:00

Hmm regarding the standard chatered thing..I was glad i join.. I kinda get the feel of ER so it was quite an experience despite nt sleeping and looking like a zombie..Well many ppl complain and didnt wanna join again coz they didnt have enough sleep..I guess this is part of survival test..Anyway i get to run and rush to casualties just like the Baywatch Babes..Haha..alrite maybe just a lil bit..Everything was cool for since i get to look at hot guys as they ask for Deep heat rub..HOW i wish i could rub for them..haahaa

2008-12-05T12:12:00.000-08:00

Yey!!! 1 more week of attachment to go and i'm ready to gt wild..it's been so long since i hit the club and chill..this attachment is driving me crazy..I hate it to the core..The staff nurse there except a few are fucking irritating..they are trying to make us students to serve them like servants..even the patients are alot nicer and caring towards us students..I dont get why some staff nurse said patients treat nurses like shit which i juz can't agree..it's more like the other way round.. i'm not sure if i can survive in this line..GOD plz give me a lil sign ..I'm gonna bang my head anytime soon..

2008-11-29T09:48:00.000-08:00

The other day i got a surprise message from a friend.She juz gave birth to a baby boy. Well i wasnt surprise she was pregnant even though she tried to keep it from me initially. I got suspicious when she kept asking me about abortion and damn I was right. My instinct is always right. Despite her denial, I advise her not to abort coz the baby is innocent and how u do something so cruel when u create it. Anyway I was so glad she listened to me and she's planning to get married soon. I was very disappointed of course but it already happened anyway. When I visited her at the hospital, I just kept smiling because the baby is so cute.My heart just melt the moment I look at him. He's small since he is premature. Only 7 months. His name is Muhammad Nor Razak.

2008-11-21T09:52:00.000-08:00

1)How many texts are in your inbox? 65.
2)When did your last hug take place?Last night wen orlando bloom hugs me cannot let go.
3)Are you a jealous person? Yeah but in a reasonable way.
4)Are you tired right now? DUH! 8am classes almost everyday.U think?
5)Do you chew on your straws?Nope coz I ain't a cow.
6)Have you ever been called a tease?Nope.
7)Do you like to cuddle?With the right person YES!!! So to all the perverts out there FUCK OFF!!
8)Do you cry easily?Only when i'm really hurt and upset.
9)Are you a heavy sleeper?I guess so.Ask my family members if u're interested.
10)Where is your cellphone?Beside me.
11)Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?currently i'm together with orlando bloom for 10 years.
12)Are you mad at someone right now?NO juz reali hurt deep down.
13)Do you believe in love at first sight?Crush At First sight? Nope maybe crush at first sight.
14)What makes you laugh no matter what?Funny jokes,funny people,funny movies and funny moment of my life.
15)Who was the last person you talked to?My 2nd brother.
16)Name one person on your top friends who is most like you.Jessica Alba.
17)Do you get butterflies when around the person you like?No but I can't stop smiling.
18)Will you get married?Ask MY GOD,ALLAH if u're interested to know.
19)When was the last time you smiled?When someone praised me.
20)Does anyone, like you?How am I suppose to know??But i do know someone who has been there when I needed him and he genuinely loves me.
21)Do you secretly like someone?Only me,myself and I plus ALLAH knows the answer.
22)Who was the first person you talked to today?Ting ting. We went to sch together.
23)Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?ALLAH.
24)What are you NOT looking forward to?Common Tests,exams and getting older.
25)Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?YES Orlando Bloom and Josh Hartnett.
26)Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do?Nothing.He's my history and I don't give a damn.
27)Are you a forgiving person?Depends on situation but most of the time yes.
28)What’s something you really want right now?Have all the money in the world,be with the man of my dream and live happily ever after.
29)Do you fall for people easily?No.BUt when I do it's hard for me to forget.
30)Have you ever fallen for your best friend ex’s ?Yes but i'd never go further unless he truly loves me.
31.What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?Chocalate cake.
32.Have you ever kissed anyone named Michelle?Nope.IF i did,I'm a lesbian.
33.Who was the last person you drove with?Taxi drivers coz i was rushing to sch.
34.How late did you stay up last night and why?3am.
35.If you could move somewhere else, would you?Right now? And not see a certain person? Hmm the more I move away,the more the person keeps bumping to me.
36.Do you prefer to call or text?Text when I’m busy, call for important stuff.
37.When was the last time you cried really, really hard?When my mum insulted me real bad to the extend i broke down.
38.Who took your profile picture?Me,myself and I.
39.Who was the last person you took a picture with?Siti Hariani.
40.Can you live a day without TV?No I was born to breath with the tv on.
41.Besides your lips, where is your favorite spot to get kissed?Forehead and neck.
42. How did you feel when you woke up this morning?Damn lethargic.
43. Who was the last person you took a picture of?Cant remember but i remebered taking a video of annabel,adele,zannah and siti in the shower room.
44. How often do you see your ex?Hardly.Only coincidence.Why should I meet him??
45. Would you ever donate blood?YES. Was supposed to last month until adele,zannah and annabel didn't want to.
46. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?Yes.Always close to guys.
47. Do you want someone dead?NOt reali.
48. What does your last text message say?Thank you.
50. What are you thinking about right now?About how miserable Iam but I still have to be bless.
51. Do you wish someone was with you right now?ALL THE TIME.
52. What time did you go to sleep last night?Is this a repeat? 3am..
53. Where did you buy the shirt you’re wearing now?Bugis street.
54. Is someone on your mind right now?Orlando Bloom.
55. Have you ever been in a hotel room with a friend of the opposite sex?YES.We played poker and blackjack in a group.It was in Thailand.Sweeet Memories.
56. Who was the last person to text you?Josh Hartnett.
57. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?Nope bt juz rotten.
58. What are you listening right now?Scientist-Coldplay.Best song ever.
59. Did you sing at all today?If I Were A Boy- Beyonce
60. When’s the last time you cried?Repeat question.Again when my mum insulted and hurled vulgarities at me.
61. Who were you with yesterday?Friends? Zannah,Annabel and Adele.
62. Do you miss anyone?Yes. Orlando Bloom and Josh Hartnett.
63. Who was the last person in your bed?Me, I’m protective.
64. Have you ever drank with your number one.I drink but who is number one?
65. If someone liked you right now would you want them to tell you?Obviously yes.
66. Do you want someone you can’t have?Yes.
67. When did you last talk to your brother or sister?1 hour ago.
68. Where were you at 2:02 am this morning?In bed with my lappie.
69. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?I already am with Orlando Bloom
70. Do you want to tell someone something?Yes I do.
Bonus question. Who do you want to tag?ANYONE.

2008-11-12T09:20:00.000-08:00

Behaviour=emotion+ intellectual

We cannot change, we cannot move away from what we are,
then change seems to come about almost unnoticed.

Patience and time do more than strength or passion.

Cultivate the freshness of a child and the wisdom of an old man.
Be young enough to gaze in wonder.
Be wise enough to know that true beauty is stored in the heart.

So ppl juz love yourself and stay true to yourself..Stay happy always

2008-11-08T09:50:00.000-08:00

Purity once had a name,
And beauty once had a face.
Life once had a meaning,
And once I was safe.
Once there was freedom,
And once I could laugh.
Happiness once was alive,
And once I had another half.
Once I shared his love,
Once I was by his side,
Once I felt I fitted,
So quickly that died.
All I ever wanted,
Was for it to last.

2008-11-08T09:33:00.000-08:00

If i get the chance to be a man just for a day..
I wud chase after girls..
drink beers with the guys..
and when i found the right gal..
i'll treat her like diamonds..
i'll love her like there's no tomorrow..
i'll keep my promises..
i'll never hurt her coz i noe how it feels to be hurt..
I think i could understand how it feels to love a girl..

2008-11-08T08:45:00.000-08:00

I will be strong ,
I will be faithful
'cause I'm counting on a new beginning,
a reason for living,
a deeper meaning
And when the stars are shining
brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish,
send it to heaven then make you want to cry
The tears of joy for all the pleasure in the certainty
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of
The highest power
In lonely hours
the tears devour you

2008-11-03T22:47:00.000-08:00

Sorrows is filling my soul today..I just feel like i'm on the verge of breaking down..It's great that i have wonderful friends but for some reason i can't open up to them..I always bottled it up..Even how much i'm hurt..I still have to put up a plastic smile..God is all i have..Its just so hard to please everyone..It's just so hard not to hurt a person..Am I really that bad..It seems that i dont recognise myself anymore..or is it that I don't reali care bout myself anymore..and how true LIFE IS NEVER FAIR...

2008-11-03T22:36:00.000-08:00

Dilemma is not something i want to gt myself into..Somehow or for some reason i'm always in that situation..i guess its just a test of life..I know dat i'm not a gd decision maker so wat if i made a decision and regret..if only there was a lil sign from GOD..i am able to make a wise decision..i'm just an ordinary teenager and even though i think like an adult but at the back of my head i've always wished i'm a newborn baby with zero responsibilities..

2008-10-19T04:26:00.000-07:00

Hmm..a new semester has start..a new start but definitely cant start a new life.. I'm still haunted by a bad past..I tot i cud juz put everything behind me.. I'm not only filled wit shame n guilt but also pain deep down..it breaks my heart to see a group of friends fighting because of me.. well i'm the victim n i shud've fight for rite..i cant help it wen my close pal was tryin to protect my pride..after all it was a huge problem

2008-10-07T09:41:00.000-07:00

Last week i turned 17..WOW!! Hw fast time flies..well looking back through my 17 years of life..i still couldnt figured out how i turn myself from the cut little girl who plays wit barbie dolls into a notorious wild child..I'm pretty sure my mum brought me up right..well it's definitely nothing to do wit my friends or siblings.. Can i say i was born to be bad..its juz dat i feel like i had to do somethin bad to do a good deed..without the intention of hurting any1..Every year on my Birthday i was nvr happy and i nvr celebrate it but thank god sum1 special brought me a bouquet of roses and a teddy bear to cheer me up this yr..haha..I hope happiness do last forever..I know dats not possible haha

2008-10-07T09:19:00.000-07:00

Hey ppl..I'm back..Oh yes my dear partner BL A.K.A Uncle dick..haha..i'm glad he gave you a special present for u to keep as SWEET memories..Ward 55 is a place i'll nvr forget..where cn u get patients who asks u for 4 great digits..well that was the fun part..i'm glad i get to experience the last office where i had to sponge one of the patients who died..it was quite heartbreaking for me coz somehow i juz felt she suffering alot..several days before she died she kept begging me to save her and she kept complaining of pain..i knew i cudnt do much and i juz felt sorry for her and her family..may she rest in peace..I guess dats all i'm gonna say bout dis attachment before i cry a river..

2008-10-06T02:25:00.000-07:00

Well ppl i'm back..oh yes about one of my favourite patient,Dr Syn A.K.A Mr Help me..It's my 1st encounter with that kind of patient..he's a little annoying but sweet at the same time..u guys muz be laughin at me now..he's not really crazy juz dat he had a blood clot in his head which wasnt removed and caused him to be rather impulsive.. He kept sayin he's gonna fall when the cordslides r up..juz a phobia i guess..but what kept me wondering was he called me 'Susan'.. haha..hmm...he always ask for help unneccessarily..well i use him for my case study of coz since i find him interesting and challenging..k gtg be back soon

2008-09-26T22:39:00.000-07:00

Sori ppl.. been sooooooooo busy lately..well my attachment was definitely a disaster but i definitely handle it well..haha..i go to go nw..in my next post i'll tell more bout an my encounter with my favourite patient..Adele knows this patient very well..HAHA.

2008-07-27T06:07:00.000-07:00

Hmm it's been a long time since i write in..wow lots of things has happen la..I got myself screwed up man..i broke up wit my guy..i guess dat was a gd thing..i hope things will run smoothly..my sch and future is my only priority rite nw..i want nothing else but happiness..it's so hard to please any1..i guess i'll just give up when i cant hold on any longer..

2008-06-17T06:16:00.000-07:00

Nw wat am i suppose to do..i'm tied down wit 2 guys whom i care so much..one guy is my boyfriend n another is my friend bt it seems dat he's my type of guy..oh my god wat hev i done to deserve dis..it's hurting me..i'd rather get hurt den d 2 guys gt hurt..haiz

2008-05-30T04:50:00.000-07:00

wow its been more den a mth since i last updated..
ya maybe i shud abandon dis blog like annabelle said..
haha..she'll kill me wen she sees dis..
hmm poly life nt wat i expected actually..
well at times i do feel left out coz of my lifestyle..
bt i've made friends wit some of the most wonderful people..
tho different characters and attitudes,it juz seem dat all of us juz clicked..
I once slip out my past to my tutorial class..
it wasnt intentional and i tot i was stupid to let it out..
my friends were proud dat it was in d past and they believed i cn be a good girl
juz like them..haha
i wonder if i cn be a real good girl..
i donno if i'm willing to change..
i reali need to grow up ..
peace no war!

2008-04-08T04:35:00.000-07:00

Memories are juz a thing in the past..Can ppl truly belive they are moving on?..Living the past is like a nightmare hauntin u..ppl always say its juz history..bt hw cud it be a history wen the scar thats left is deep n still so painful..as if it was yesterday

2007-07-21T03:12:00.000-07:00

I juz don't get it.No matter what i do.The pain is still there no matter how much i wanted it to be gone.I juz wish i had a short term memory loss where i wud juz forget the pain and most importantly my past.It's funny that the more i tried to forget bout it,the more i feel hurt.It's as if i'm reliving the past.It hurts so bad and i'm always miserable.Why can't i juz forget bout the past start afresh??

2007-06-01T20:51:00.000-07:00

Hw i wish i cud turn back the time..Way back wen my parents were still together...I was alot happier in those days..Now i felt like i was abandoned and betrayed..I was living in agony..Happiness vs Sorrow..My happiness was shortlived all the time..Maybe it was retribution.or maybe it was meant to be..Only GOD knows dats 4 sure..Every tears dat i cried is the pain dat i suffered..i don wanna be rebelious so i decided to keep my pain inside..i kept quiet n as time goes by i juz pray dat d pain will go away..1 thing dat i juz can't stand is LIES..true enough i do lie at times but those r white lies.. ppl ard always say good things bout me bt i realise i cudn't trust those words..once bitten,twice shy..

2007-05-29T19:47:00.000-07:00

hmm im extremely heartbroken dat my 'bro' is gonna receive his sentence today..hw i wish i cud be there 4 him d way he was there 4 me..nw i'm gonna miss all the'blajar pandai2 nana' and 'jgn noti2 eh'..all will still be remembered though i wont hear it ever again..he had high hopes 4 me..i was hopeless bt he had faith in me..nt even my bro do dat..haizz...he protected me more than my boyfriend did..i'm gonna miss him lots..dats 4 sure

2007-05-22T02:36:00.000-07:00

As days pass by,i'm drifting deeper and deeper..people juz don see it..but fariana is indeed dying inside..where is the girl who is always confident,firm and always make everybody laugh..where is she..i nd her back..she belongs to me..i no longer cn recognise myself..it s like i've lost who i really am..what's left of me is juz a body with no soul..i can't go on like this..i hev to find myself back before everything goes from bad to worse..no matter i cnnt let anybody live my life nt even my mum..i had enough..

2007-05-04T18:45:00.000-07:00

hmm..as days pass by..i keep on thinkin if this real or reel...i think i can't handle my relationship but thank god my guy is a good person...maybe the problem lies with me..i'm juz too young..now i realize how naive i've been n how vulnarable i am plus how demanding i cn be..this is nt me..i want my life back..the gal who dont give a damn bout anythin except her studies...at last i've quit smoking...it wasnt dat hard though..now dat my mum had approve of me hevin a relationship,i tot it was the end..bt she wanted me to get married in 3yrs time..i'm nt yet 20 yet by then..oh god..i'm nt even prepared..is she for real or wat..cant blame her anyway coz she is stressed in her work..i became her punching bag eversince i was kid..

2007-03-31T23:45:00.000-07:00

my head is spinning and i can't stop it..wat hev i juz done..did i juz make things worst or was it my last resort..i tot i had no choice..somebody please help me..it's driving me crazy..i'm in a dilemma..i can't depend on my guy forever..he's juz my listening ear..i hev to face it on my own sooner or later.. omg..i need some guidance..things nvr go my way..argh juz hw frustratin dat is..gosh..i feel like screaming right nw...gosh..wen is the hell all this shit gonna end..

2007-02-24T20:21:00.000-08:00

haha..it's been a long time since i post my blog..well i've been busy lately.. i'm a lot happier right now..i've got a new guy in my life..i hope he's the one..as for now..i'm gonna concentrate on my studies of course..o level..arghh..the feeling sucks man..its funny that..o level is also my key to my career..haizz i'm gonna miss all the movies,hang outs n shopping..life is so unpredictable..how true.. i've hardly contact my frendz..i miss them lots..especially mel..well wat to do.. all becoz of o level..again..u know..right now..for the first time i felt free from my misery..eversince i met my guy..he meant a lot to me..although i didnt express to him..i'm to shy..i hope he knows how much i love him..well thats all for now..

2006-11-20T09:34:00.000-08:00

I watched a show about money brings evil.Hmm, i thought it was interesting.Of course, i disagree bt nt completely.That's typical of me.It's true money is the root of evil and a tool of evil deeds but thats just a secondary factor,don't cha think so? Well watever i'm gonna is just an opinion but could be true.

Money is neutral.It's just a piece of paper that helps us to survive in a certain way.True ,we can't live without money.Now what makes people think money brings evil.My answer is the evil deeds of people that somehow links to money.
For example,a pimp sents young girls and boys to other countries(in other words,human trafficking)to get money or in fact lots of money.

I believe all these evil deeds that made money the prime suspect of evil is the intention of each individual.If a good person uses money for a good cause, it doesn't makes money good either.Money and human instincts are two different things that people are confuse in this situation.

Therefore,don't assume that money brings evil.However,bear in mind that money can lead us in two ways:Good AND Evil.

2006-11-20T09:07:00.000-08:00

What hurts the most is when u started to lose yourself.Your true self.For my case,I'm in a dilemma.I just seem to be weak and not knowing what to do.It's so unlike me.People who know me knows that i'm a person who wouldn't get into the breaking line easily.I was always independent and nt wanting to have a boyfriend.However,something wierd and complicated kind of happen to me.

I and J fell in love.I was so happy but my happiness was short-lived.He disappeared without rhyme or reason.I broke down but got back to my feet when i dated a friend,S,who was also my classmate.We kissed but i'm not sure of my feelings for him.Suddenly,J called and he explained to me why he disappeared.He also told me he still wants to be with me.

Now you can see dilemma too don't you.Well i do get great advices from Kak Juzi and my best gal Mel.Thanx for everything.Well my mind has yet to made up.Well watever my decision is I hope made the right choice.But of course i wouldn't choose both at the same time.Not my thing.Either 1 of them or none of them.

2006-09-30T09:23:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt that your love was perfect?Well mine was alomost perfect since it didn't last.Love is always a problem in my life.Love is just so complicated that you just don't to fall in love,ever again.Love hurts the most.But somehow love also taught a lot of things especially when it comes to trust and faith.I donno why people keep on asking bout love issues.They think i'm an expert but they have no idea i'm in a deep shit as they are.Alright,alright i don't get all emo right.I'll chill.

I hardly fall in love but when i do,i'll fall in love very deeply.However,falling in love is easy but being in love isn't.I believe i can't blame love because human is the cause of all problem.Believe me its true.

2006-09-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

A friend told me that 'GOD created us when we created God'.Well it does make sense but my love for God is too strong for me to agree with him.Well from what i know religons are there to lead us in life as we grow up.I know i'm not supposed to talk bout god and religion but it just cross my mind and decided to talk bout it.Some believers even said' we are believing something we can't see' but i do feel God AT times.The changes that happens and I believe it is the work of God for he accepts my prayers.But i don't think i deserved to be loved by god but i know he will love for he is the almighty that is ALLAH.

2006-09-28T08:10:00.000-07:00

I wonder why love has to be complicated all the time.Or is it us human who is making love complicated instead.Well which ever it is,love always hurts me.Why must love exist？People always came up to me for advice especially love thinking that i was an expert but they never knew that i was a failure when it comes to love.Sigh.For now, i donno wat to do with myself.Should i fall in love again but wat if i'll get hurt again.I'm just so weak inside.When i have no love,i'm desperate for it and when i've found love,problems started crop up.Gosh when will all this freaking crap end man.Sorry if i sounded rude or anything but somehow i need to let go my anger and it's good enough that i don't use vulgarities.

I only had a perfect love once and it was a mixture of beauty and sweetness.That relationship made me belive that true love do exist.Although i was young then but i believe it was real love.When i broke up with him,he cried and it just touches my heart.I broke up with him not because of third party or anything like that.I have my reasons why.I kind of regret breaking up with him but i no longer can be with him.I know i will never find another guy like him for he's the only one that can occupy my heart.

When i fall in love,i fall in love very deeply.To be honest falling in love is easy but being in love is hard.But when u can overcome love,there's nothing left to fear including death.Amazing huh.I know.Though i've never experience it but i know what it's like.Cherish wat you have with your loved ones coz u never know what might happen next.

2006-09-05T09:02:00.000-07:00

It started with a kiss
when I held you under the stars,
my other half from the start
yes, the world was ours.

Nothing else mattered
and like grew to love
you were my peace of mind,
my angel sent from above.

One thing special
nobody loved me the way you do,
ups and downs,
without you I've never been so blue

I spoiled what we had
I left you to find myself,
deep in depression
I pushed away my wealth.

It was you I always needed
and now I finally see,
but it seems too late
you fell out of love with me.

But clarity of mind
has come at last,
and there is this one thing
I regret about my past.

It's not the past itself,
but a choice,
I will give you a clue one that left my future cloudy,
it's a future without you.

You're my best friend
the one I love so much,
I miss your smile
I miss your touch.

I can't quite explain it,
but I'm so in love with you
I miss my angel
there is nobody quite like you.

2006-09-05T08:50:00.000-07:00

I'm so confused about my life,
You come and go without any strife.
You tell me you love me and leave me so soon.
Then you come running back,
telling me you'll be true.
The pain I feel inside,
Makes me oh so blue.
That night we met online seemed like forever.
But now I wish it would have never happened.
I thought I knew you,
I thought I loved you,
But now you have hurt me in so many ways
I wish it would be over,
Then I can find another.
One who will love me and stay with me forever!

2006-08-26T11:35:00.000-07:00

The Night Has a Thousand EyesThe night has a thousand eyes,

And the day but one;

Yet the light of the bright world dies

With the dying sun.

The mind has a thousand eyes,

And the heart but one;

Yet the light of a whole life dies

When love is done.

2006-08-23T09:33:00.000-07:00

Even evening takes the place of morning . Seven either way .

A sleepwalk to the sink . A moment left to think . To say .

My only chance of wake-up drink to save me for today .

But it's no water less than words that I would need .

Thank you to the truth in the mirror . And what you say to me .

Don't blame dream . That mix-up takes my patience .

I'm a sudden superhero minus explanation . No birth or creation .

Random is king and this kingdom is mine . Scarce time . Sane delight .

Then that mirror checks me . Reminds me . I'm still me .

Can't skip that glance . Might leave the room thinking .

I can fly . I can spit flame . Expensive trouble for free .

Thank you to the truth in the mirror . And what you say to me .

I've spent an hour face to face with you .

Finding ways to chase your moves . I hate with you .

You always know my secret . And why I keep it .

Killing clock to make myself a spectacle . Yet you can tell .

Hope is placed so they won't read your face . And ask you why or what .

Instead they seem to ask you how or who or where to get that stuff .

Apologize to me for understanding what you see .

Thank you to the truth in the mirror . And what you say to me .

Easily shattered . Easily dropped . Invincible you are not .

Disguised so mistakenly . I'd take you and break you .

Your weakness is evident . Vengeance divine is mine . Heaven sent .

If you dare stare at me silently . Cross my eyes out violently . You rise .

Attempting to break me with only your gaze . Such truth in your ways .

I shatter inside . Facade exposed . You and I know how long I've tried .

To hide away the pain from you . The draining of life inside . Slain .

Everytime I'm on my way to find you . I hope I'll see you . Retrieve you .Deceive you .

And still you speak the truth for me to believe you . I don't need to .

Hidden behind my mind I need you .

To show me who I am today .

To show me that I'm still the same .

That I haven't changed .

Yet I've slowly become a man who hates the sight of me .

Forgive me for my insolence in future tense . I'll have no sense .

I will prevent you from fleeing intact . I swear you'll crack . I will .

Destroy you for the sake of me . Now break for me .Shatter . Scatter . Enemy .

Adore the days you once reflected me . Affected me .

When it was you I'd see . Rejecting me .We're always meant to be .

It's only you I'll see .But here lies broken glass in loving memory .

Thank you to the truth in the mirror . And what you said to me .

Everytime you die you're never truly dead to me .

2006-08-19T08:54:00.000-07:00

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

2006-08-03T02:00:00.000-07:00

I've written this because I no longer know where you are .And I know you won't want to listen to me if I ever found you .So this will be here for you .. so fate can have something to lead you toward .
This is for the significant wonder :
It's been years . And my recollection of you fades with time .Not that it's my intention to erase my own memory ..I won't forget events in my timeline, or any important words you spoke to me .But I want to preserve a part of you in my mind . It's long overdue that I strike what I've built .. and lock the image . Of you .
Do you know who you are ?
You may have forgotten . Because you're different today .But you used to be somebody .. unbelievable . You were a dream come true . Everyday .And a hope never lost . Anchored heavily and true .You were real .I knew of your depth .. yet I dared not tread beyond shallow water .Your welcome was a warmth ..That would easily subdue the air around me .And continue to envelop my spirit .
You had me absolutely yours . Did you ever know ?
Your words so pure, my heart would have stopped at your slightest verbal command Should you ever speak it done .And you would be the only divine being on the surface of this earth Who could accelerate my heart to race again ..With nothing more than a simple glance .
Your beauty was a challenge to appreciate .. in truth it was a universe in itself .As it filled infinite dimensions .. composing an endless symphony .And its potential was far too immense to be held in the very world you lived in .
But I appointed myself to that solitary journey .. And embarked on a chain of blissful discovery Of everything . Everything inside of you .
And granted, if my heart took the greatest capacity of courage ..
Then maybe I'd know for sure If this is where I was truly meant to be .
Underneath the most stars I'd ever seen in my life .On a porch stairway foreign to me .. Sitting one step below, and an arm's length away ..From the most amazing guy.. ever to grace my life story .
We were there together .. and I was a nervous wreck .I couldn't speak . And I wouldn't dare look your way .I was afraid my words would slip ..And I would tell you .. you're beautiful .Then instantly end up despising myself for using such incompetent words .You had no idea ..It was the first time I'd ever experienced for myself ..The supreme elegance which moonlight has the power to reveal .In you .
I was no match for the velocity bound inside of me .It was inevitable that I would lose to it soon ..And something . Just .. something .. would escape me ..And reach you .And you would finally know .That I loved you ....And it .. escaped ....My voice was a disaster when I said it .I was instantly overcome with embarrassment and a concave silence ..Awkwardness left me ready and waiting to stutter my next word ..Possibly an apology for my crude mannerism .. Or a chuckled diversion to typically break the tension .. I was at a most desperate and pitiful loss for action or dialogue .Until I looked up .And saw your face .You changed everything .It was the first time in the history of my existenceThat I stared into the eyes of my destiny .It was in that instance where time itself .. had stopped .To let us live in that moment . Just a little while longer .Your stare was strong .. piercing me and tearing me apart .You spoke to me very clearly .. only with those eyes .They reflected everything the sky had to offer .Even if my sense of hearing was immediately taken from meRight then and there ..It still could never stop me from understanding The response within your gaze .You loved me .And my heart soared .. clear into the highest of heavens .You began to cry as you said it .And I shared that feeling with you .. We repeated ourselves over and over again ..Releasing an abundance of jailed emotion and destined words .I held you so close ..As if to cover and shield you from the world ..Bravely protecting you from all harm that exists .And that is what I did .From that night on .Thus began the birth of our relationship together .I loved every minute of it .
At times it was a struggle to find myself with you .But I hadn't the slightest need to wonder why .An easy journey would lead me worthlessly elsewhere ..It made perfect sense to me .. that a guy of your valueCould only be reachable beyond life's most difficult obstacles .I worked my hardest . Just to have that time by your side . All of what I owned could easily have been traded ..To acquire what I needed for you .Because you were appreciative .Of everything I did . And everything I was .Do you remember .. I drove alone for seven hours ..No phone and no more than a few dozen dollars in my pocket ..Just to see you ..For an hour and a half .And it was seven more hours driving back home ..Lost in total happiness .. and weary swoonThat I was able to feel your arms around me ..And your face burrowing softly against my chest .There was never a time where I was simply able to set my eyes on you ..Without being overcome with a heavy rain of joy ..From the thought that this lovely womanOf unimaginative elegance standing here before me ..Is truly mine to cherish ....We created a world together .. didn't we .It seemed like the longest period in my life ..You and I were inseperable .Truly .. I loved you so .We achieved sweet perfection .Until the scale had to be balanced .I don't know why we came to that point ..In which everything good began to slowly burn ..I'd always put myself up to be blamed .. for blaming you .But we both knew it wasn't that simple ..Eventually .. I let go .. freeing my hold each day .Releasing you of that shield which protected your entire being ..And allowing the horrors you feared to swiftly reach you .You lowered yourself so much .Putting every ounce of pride away .Just to ask me to reconsider my departure .But I couldn't .I was callous and cold .Steadfast and loyal to my decision .And I hated myself for a long time because of it .You experienced the worst disasters of your life .One . After the other .And I was not there to help .. Because of my own horrible choice .You spiraled into a maze of despair, deception, and death .And your health unfortunately coincided with these dreadful events .The world around you blamed you for everything .And you could have easily turned the blame to me .But you didn't ..You accepted it all didn't you .I know you did .I just couldn't believe that you still loved me that much .Literally .. you were the only person who'd ever told meYou'd give your life for me ..And proved it .But you disappeared .Before I could find you to apologize .. You were gone .I searched non-stop for what seemed like forever .Only to find that we were no longer even on the same continent .You had been sent away .My hope .Had fled my being . Only to be replaced by new fears .I had never known the feeling ..Of not being able to know for sure If the only person you care about in life .. is still living .I plunged into the deepest despondency I'd ever experienced .Possibly the only true depression I'd ever been bound within .It lasted for what seemed like a seperate lifetime ..Trudging through nights where I lay in utter silence Only to wake up to days where I quietly float through the hours .I hated myself . And I hated everything .It was the last and only time I'd ever felt this way .As the months crept by ever so slowly ..I met someone who understood .Somebody who only wanted to help . And she did . Somewhat successfully .And I moved on .Meanwhile .. you were there . Away and across the globe .Never had a way of contacting me whatsoever .. but you never lost any hope .Still just as in love .. and working diligently to somehow find your way back to me .The possibility that I'm still looking for you .. Was the strongest motivation that kept you going .But word somehow found its way to you .And you heard I moved on .And it killed you .
After another year .. you were finally able to come back .And you contacted me .Do you remember how thrilled I was ?I was so relieved to know you were still alive and well .Physically .But your heart had been broken . And your spirits darkened .And you were hurting so much .I felt the sadness I'd caused you ..And even felt the happiness you still wanted for me .You never did give up on putting me first .And I hated how you were so perfect . Unreasonable to the core . Yet unselfish by nature .I wanted to be like you in that sense .And I wanted to find a way to somehow see you happy again .You eventually moved on .Found somebody in an unexpected atmosphere ..And he did hold you dear . ......We never spoke more often than once every 4 months or so ..And I was always eager to hear your good news .I loved to hear how much you cared about her.And about how your family was doing so much better .It brought me so much happiness to listen to you share these things with me .We carried on this way for quite some time, didn't we .Rarely ever talking to each other .. and always by total chance .You seemed to be slightly different .. But I always felt like .. the old you was in there somewhere .Until your relationship had failed .I'm so sorry .Please believe that it brought me no happiness to learn of your misfortune .You were mistreated terribly .. and for awhile you allowed yourself to be blamed .Just like always .Taking the nobility route .But you eventually took note of his error .. And you were able to realize your innocence in the matter ....That's when you changed ....You no longer wished to speak to me .When I tried my best to talk to you ..I was only responded to with hostility ..And annoyance . And cruelty .It was all so sudden .I surely could not understand why you had become so cold-hearted towards me .Out of everything I'd been through with you ..This was brand new .I contacted you to ask how you were doing ..And it only upset you .You spoke to me rashly and casually .. cursing and being coarseLike never before .. as if I was a nobody to you ..Or a nobody to everybody .I felt as if you had totally shifted . And I was afraid to know the truth .You were like a completely different or rather, opposite person .Or maybe you just forgot .. who I used to be to you .This was the last time I'd spoken to you ...... .....And also .. a leading motivator in composing this letter of sorts .Believe me .. I will not act as though I truly understand you now . But I will also keep myself from being anymore of a bother to you .And I know I made you aware of that upon our last conversation .I just wanted to let you know .. I am finally ready to close this chapter in the book of my life .After everything we had been through .. which was indeed valuable ..I guess this is where our story ends .I just wanted you to have a final understandingtoward my definition of our time together .I will not immortalize you in my mind as a terrible person .You will be one of the very few people I will forever remember .Please accept these parting words .You will always be inside my definition of 'beautiful' .Even though you may dislike me or no longer care for me ..There will always be a special place for you in my heart and memory .A place that has been crafted by you .. during the period in which we existed as one .You are loved . By an entire world of people .Don't ever doubt your worth . You are absolutely priceless .Any man who does not see that .. is not even worthy of your eye contact .Your way to success clearly exists . Please do not give up on yourself .Extraordinary things require hard work to reach . And I learned that through you .Be honest with yourself . You deserve the best of all things .Don't ever be ashamed of your wonderful smile . And please don't second-guess your beauty . Never allow yourself to be abused .. you must be treated as the queen you are .Aim beyond what you expect for yourself . You're far greater than that .I won't be finding myself in your life any longer so I sure hope I've said all that's necessary . I'm sure I've covered all that I wanted to assess .I know this isn't the best way to convey such strong emotion .. but if you're meant to know these things, then I know you'll find your way here naturally . And since you probably won't want to talk to me .. I've left all of this here for you to read at your own pace .. if you choose to read it at all . Have a great life .. wherever you are . And good luck with whatever you're doing .I hope you're well ..If there's one mental picture to keep ..Let it be the moment we sharedOn the porch steps of your house .Underneath the most stars I'd ever seen in my entire life .Thank you for showing them to me .And thank you for teaching me to be a better person .

2006-07-28T22:13:00.000-07:00

On the 26th of july,my school had this Student Exchange Programme where students from other would come to our school to learn something that they don't do in their country.I felt ecstatic when they said it was the japanese student who will be visiting us...bt not till i tried to interpret coz they have no idea wat i was talking about.They don't understand English.I almost fainted not because of the interpretting thing but there's this hot japanese guy sitting beside.He's shy though but friendly.I managed to take photo of him with me.I donno bout wat other ppl think of him coz I know he's definitely my type.HAHA.....Well I will never forget this moment.Peace out..........

2006-07-28T07:27:00.000-07:00

I sat down to do my homework,
but all my thoughts just distracted me.
I like to reminisce about the past to hide my present.
It puts a smile on my face.
One of the cutest guys wanted to get to know me.
We talked about everything and fell in love
with each other, without even realizing it.
At school, we would make faces at each other
and call each other names, giving us a thrill.
All it took was one night, when I was upset.
A few words & tears to make me realize,
I was in love... with you.
I knew for sure the way I felt and it felt real.
I was taken to a higher point in my life,
knowing somebody actually felt the same for me.
I remember those two mornings when school
let out early for vacation.
We left school and nobody knew where we were,
it was just us together.
We got to know each other well, those two days.
During school there were some downfalls
and it made me feel sad.
The good past can't cover up the pain,
only because I was hurt so much,
by the guy who said... he loved me much.
If so, why did he make me feel low, instead of high?
Things have changed, but I love him so much,
after all he... is my perfect smile.

2006-07-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

As I am sitting here letting things flow through my mind,
I am wondering about this particular past time.
It was when I had finally learned to care for another,
besides my mom, dad, and big brother.
I met this guy a few years ago,
He tapped me on my shoulder and said hello.
From that day on, I felt real strange,
I started having these feelings I really couldn't change.
One day he came to me and said,
He just couldn't seem to get me out of his head.
So I told him I didn't know he felt the same way,
And from those few little phrases for that one day,
The feelings we would share I knew would stay.
All of a sudden my heart felt unease,
I felt like my heart started blowing in the breeze.
The one I had finally learned to love,
Flew away from my heart like the birds fly above.
How could he tell me he loved me so,
When he didn't let all of his real feelings show?
Even if some of those feelings weren't all meant for me,
It would have been best if he could have told me just so I could see.
The hurt, the pain..
Now all I feel is, who's to blame?
Is it me? Did I push him away?
Or was this always meant to happen from our very first day?
Now all that is left to say
Is that love don't come easy and is even harder to make stay.
I fell in love, and lost it,
Now all I fell is that I was the cost of it.
I allowed myself to fall in love,
Only to just see it fly away like a beautiful white dove.
Now to this day I haven't fully recovered,
But I have learned how to deal with all that I've suffered.
Now I have move on to someone new,
One that I think I found of very few.
But in my heart there will always be
A faint picture of my first love and me.

2006-07-22T09:50:00.000-07:00

Missing you brings heartache
And a tear to my soul.
Missing you brings rays of sadnes
From the depths of hell below.
Missing you brings memories
and smiles from long ago.
Missing you brings a hopeful thought
Of happiness not yet shown.
Missing you brings darkness
in a place beautiful and bright.
Missing you brings Mr. Wrong
When I'm in love with Mr. Right!

2006-07-22T09:43:00.000-07:00

Love a word often spoken but not understood
To be in LOVE is to die for, to sacrifice
When you're in LOVE nothing else seems to matter,
you find yourself thinking more of them than yourself
To LOVE is unconditional
You can never put a price on LOVE
Money can buy many things, LOVE isn't one of them
Be thankful for for being LOVED or for LOVING,
because to be LOVED is to be thought of, remembered,
and when you LOVE you remember and treasure.

2006-07-22T09:37:00.000-07:00

If only I would have listened
When eveyone told me not to go that far,
But love was so blind.
I'm always reminded of little details
When i look at the scar.
The memories of me and you
Tear me in two.
The dreams we had planned together
Will never come true.
The big word, "Goodbye"
is what'll be said... not "I do"
To the love of my life
for the question you asked me
(YES)

2006-07-14T02:37:00.000-07:00

Sean Paul ft. Keyshia Cole - Give It Up To Me

2006-07-10T02:06:00.000-07:00

Come to me in the silence of the night;

Come in the speaking silence of a dream;

Come with soft rounded cheeks and eyes as bright

As sunlight on a stream;

Come back in tears, O memory of hope, love of finished years.

O dream how sweet, too sweet, too bitter-sweet,

Whose wakening should have been in Paradise,

Where souls brim-full of love abide and meet;

Where thirsting longing eyes

Watch the slow door That opening, letting in, lets out no more.

Yet come to me in dreams, that I may live

My very life again though cold in death;

Come back to me in dreams, that I may give

Pulse for pulse, breath for breath:

Speak low, lean low,

As long ago, my love, how long ago.

2006-07-10T01:49:00.000-07:00

Hmm....The World Cup is over....The finals, which is Italy vs France,was such a boring and bad game...I don't mean to be rude or sarcastic but it's true even my brothers agreed....I prefer the 2002 World Cup...one of my favourites of course...
okok i admit it brazil won that year but didn't made it through this year...sigh...
this year's world cup is full of drama from david beckham throwing up in the middle of the field to zidane's headbutt....well i hope 2010 would be better but i don think coz all the hot and skilled players will retiring...well lets wait n see...

2006-07-02T05:53:00.000-07:00

When the sadness and the anger subside,
I look for solace in the rhymes of others;
Words that sing and dance,
Make noise and sparkle,
Twirl and turn on the page so well
that i can dip my foot in the cold,
racing river,
Brush away the silent
winter snow from my beard,
And angle that high pound test
Deep into the brains;
Where i can close my eyes and just fly
BLIND.....

2006-07-02T05:07:00.000-07:00

For in order to be fullfilled,we must search and find the resources within ourselves.Others can assist,but none can give us inner peace.Life is not fair but we seem to expect and believe it should be.

Behaviour = Emotion + Intellect

We cannot,we cannot move away from what we are,then change seems to come about unnoticed.Out of perfection nothing can be made.Every process involves breaking something up .

We are, each of us,angels with one wing,and we can only fly by embracing one another.

Patience and time do more than strength or passion.Deliver peace with the conviction of love.Live in peace,and find your way down a new set of tracks.

Cultivate the freshness of a child and the wisdom of an old man.Be young enough to know that true beauty is stored in the heart.

2006-06-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

Shayne Ward - No Promises

2006-06-30T10:07:00.001-07:00

Without wishing it,we human beings are placed in situations in which the great "principles" entangle us in something,and God leaves it to us to find a way out.

All of the emotions are part of what makes us special and unique.

Things do not turn outas you've planned.

Shame and envy are products of the belief that that the messages we get from the world about our worth are valid.

The disease of the 'if only' comprimises our ability to understand ourselves and discover what we really like on the inside.

2006-06-30T10:07:00.000-07:00

2006-06-30T08:49:00.000-07:00

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things i cannot change,
the courage to change the things i can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

2006-06-29T02:42:00.000-07:00

One must accept the ironies of life and take up tasks of life.Disgraced or not,foolish or wise,living in ill times or good,we are what we are,we are where we are.The actual world is our only world. We must go forward;we accept all that men say of us,however painful or unfair it may be.The times allow for no delay.Life grants us no space for idleness,regrets,the persuit of illusions.The work of peace must go on,in hardiness and steadfast good humour.We must consent to being ourselves,to being the unworthy vessels of God's word,to working with others,to the slow inching forward of compassion and hope.

2006-06-29T02:12:00.000-07:00